Getting OLD

Posted: Fri Nov 09, 2007 4:45 pm Post subject: Getting OLD

An elderly gentleman...
Had serious hearing problems for a number of years.
He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to
have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that
allowed the gentleman to hear 100%
The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the
doctor and the doctor said, 'Your hearing is
perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you
can hear again.'
The gentleman replied, 'Oh, I haven't told my family
yet.
I just sit around and listen to the conversations.
I've changed my will three times!'

Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were
sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to
the other and says: 'Slim, I'm 83 years old now and
I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're
about my age. How do you feel?'
Slim says, 'I feel just like a newborn baby.'
'Really!? Like a newborn baby!?'
'Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my
pants.'

An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's
house, and after eating, the wives left the table
and went into the kitchen.
The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, 'Last
night we went out to a new restaurant and it was
really great. I would recommend it very highly.'
The other man said, 'What is the name of the
restaurant?'
The first man thought and thought and finally said,
'What is the name of that flower you give to someone
you love?
You know... The one that's red and has thorns.'
'Do you mean a rose?'
'Yes, that's the one,' replied the man. He then
turned towards the kitchen and yelled, 'Rose, what's
the name of that restaurant we went to last night?'

Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for
patients being discharged. However, while working as
a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman
already dressed and sitting on the bed with a
suitcase at his feet, who insisted he! Didn't need
my help to leave the hospital.
After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly
let me wheel him to the elevator.
On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting
him.
'I don't know,' he said. 'She's still upstairs in
the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown.'

Couple in their nineties are both having problems
remembering things. During a checkup, the doctor
tells them that they're physically okay, but they
might want to start writing things down to help them
remember.
Later that night, while watching TV, the old man
gets up from his chair. 'Want anything while I'm in
the kitchen?' he asks.
'Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?'
'Sure.'
'Don't you think you should write it down so you can
remember it?' she asks.
'No, I can remember it.'
'Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe
you should write it down, so's not to forget it?'
He says, 'I can remember that. You want a bowl of
ice cream with strawberries.'
'I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll
forget that, write it down?' she asks.
Irritated, he says, 'I don't need to write it down,
I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and
whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!'
Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20
minutes,
The old man returns from the kitchen and hands his
wife a plate of bacon and eggs. She stares at the
plate for a moment.
'Where's my toast ?'

A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy:
'So I hear you're getting married?'
'Yep!'
'Do I know her?'
'Nope!'
'This woman, is she good looking?'
'Not really.'
'Is she a good cook?'
'Naw, she can't cook too well.'
'Does she have lots of money?'
'Nope! Poor as a church mouse.'
'Well, then, is she good in bed?'
'I don't know.'
'Why in the world do you want to marry her then?'
'Because she can still drive!'

Three old guys are out walking.
First one says, 'Windy, isn't it?'
Second one says, 'No, it's Thursday!'
Third one says, 'So am I. Let's go get a beer.'

A man was telling his neighbor, 'I just bought a new
hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but
it's state of the art. It's perfect.'
'Really,' answered the neighbor . 'What kind is it?'
'Twelve thirty.'

Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to
get a physical.
A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down
the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.
A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris
and said, 'You're really doing great, aren't you?'
Morris replied, 'Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get
a hot mamma and be cheerful.''
The doctor said, 'I didn't say that. I said, 'You've
got a heart murmur; be careful.'

A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream
parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto
a stool.. After catching his breath, he ordered a
banana split.
The waitress asked kindly, 'Crushed nuts?'
'No,' he replied, 'Arthritis.' Shocked