Cynic take heed
Some good ideas for you on your campaign.By Jenny Matthews
BBC News
Most of us are fairly familiar with the manifesto promises of the main parties. But politicians are not all the same. To prove it, here are some eye-catching policies you may have missed.
Howling Laud Hope
Howling Laud Hope - wants the Loch Ness monster declared an endangered species
Keen to get potholes filled in? Want socks to be sold in packs of three? Or perhaps you would like to register a protest vote - or even change the parliamentary system altogether? Then one of the smaller parties may be for you...
If you're concerned about the rights of zombies, there is the Cure (Citizens for Undead Rights and Equality) Party, which has among other "undeadly serious" campaign messages: "Zombies, like students, are people too. Let's fight for their rights to politically party."
Its manifesto, published on the party's website, includes:
• Give the undead equal rights to the living
• Make cemeteries more comfortable for their inhabitants
• Implement a robust social integration programme for the undead, curing society of its prejudices
• Increase the minimum statutory retirement age to beyond death
• Permit marriages of the living and the undead
It is standing in four constituencies - Hitchin & Harpenden, Twickenham, Doncaster Central and Brighton Pavilion - which it says is "literally a start. And it means we can comfortably share a table at the Houses of Commons".
Captain Beany of The New Millennium Bean Party - slogan, "Out with Brown, in with Orange" - has high hopes of capturing plenty of floating and first-time voters in Aberavon with his mixture of serious and frivolous "beanyfesto" pledges.
Along with proposals on the environment, health, the economy and defence, he has a range of unusual eye-catching plans:
• Chewing gum to be collected from pavements and used to fill potholes in the road
• Children who leave home should not be allowed to return until they are 40
• Convicted drink drivers to have their cars painted bright orange for five years when they finish their ban and return to the wheel
• Public officials who are convicted of abuse of office to have their pictures printed on toilet roll packaging.
Captain Beany has been standing in general elections for years and has not yet kept his deposit - but this time around he is "ever so confident" because so many voters are disenchanted with the main parties.
"I've seen the future and the future's bright," he says.
The Monster Raving Loony Party - currently the Monster Raving William Hill Loony party, after a sponsorship deal with the bookies - is fielding several candidates this year.
England Three Lions symbol
Monster Raving Loonies: Three badgers better than three lions
Leader Howlin 'Laud' Hope was out campaigning in Witney (where his rivals include David Cameron) when the BBC News website spoke to him.
Pledges he was campaigning on included "joining Europe in a big way" - by inviting the other European countries to join the pound sterling and then making the entire UK a European offshore tax haven.
He is also pledging a 99p coin to save on change (this was also a pledge last time around in 2005, but "no-one noticed it then, so we're still shouting about it now").
Other Monster Raving Loony manifesto suggestions - individual candidates can pick from an extensive list or choose their own - include:
• All socks to be sold in packs of 3 as a precaution against losing one
• Make it illegal for superheroes to use their powers for evil
• Ban all terrorists from having beards as they look scary
• Change the English symbol of three lions to 3 badgers
• School dinners must be regularly checked for radioactivity
• Add the Loch Ness Monster to the endangered species list
• Dedicated pogo stick lanes on routes to centres of work
Howlin 'Laud' Hope says he has had a "wonderful" reaction in Witney so far and hopes to keep his deposit - but on the other hand, the party says if you get that many votes you are obviously "not loony enough", so you have to leave.
Anyone baffled by this array of pledges might want to try a party that cheerfully admits it "hasn't got any", because it is a protest vote.
