Lists

Posted: Mon Dec 31, 2007 9:15 pm Post subject: Lists

Fatal Things to Say When Your Wife's Pregnant

1. I finished the Oreos.

2. Not to imply anything, but I don't think the kid weighs 40 pounds.

3. Y'know, looking at her, you'd never guess that Pamela Lee had a baby!

4. I sure hope your thighs aren't gonna stay that flabby forever!

5. Well, couldn't they induce labor? The 25th is the Super Bowl.

6. Darned if you ain't about five pounds away from a surprise visit from that Richard Simmons fella.

7. Fred at the office passed a stone the size of a pea. Boy, that's gotta hurt.

8. Whoa! For a minute there, I thought I woke up next to Willard Scott!

9. I'm jealous! Why can't men experience the joy of childbirth?

10. Are your ankles supposed to look like that?

11. Get your *own* ice cream.

12. Geez, you're awfully puffy looking today.

13. Got milk ?

14. Maybe we should name the baby after my secretary, Tawney?

15. Man! That rose tattoo on your hip is the size of Madagascar!

16. Retaining water? Yeah, like the Hoover Dam retains water...

17. Your stomach sticks out almost as much as your ass!

18. You don't have the guts to pull that trigger...

Reasons For Being Fired From Toys 'R' Us

15. A little too much joie de vivre while demonstrating the erector set, if you know what I mean.

14. Every time you're passed over for a promotion, you stick your head in an Easy Bake Oven and threaten to "end it all."

13. You got caught adding a garage to your house using embezzled Lego bricks.

12. Numerous parental complaints about your "Tickle Me Carl The Stockboy" display.

11. You went overboard with your GI Joe Militia display by adding the Tonka truck full of fertilizer.

10. Cross-dressing the Ken and Barbie dolls and telling kids they're the new "Jerry Springer" edition.

9. The "My Little Taxidermy Kit" (with starter squirrel) is not selling.

8. Impromptu demonstrations of why Malibu Ken is not anatomically correct.

7. Got caught doing your Dolly Parton impression with basketballs again.

6. Source of reefer smoke finally traced to "nostrils" of Geoffrey the Giraffe.

5. Jaws of life needed to pull your knees out of your chest after you jackknifed a Big Wheel.

4. Caught hocking phlegm into tykes' hands and telling them it was "homemade Gack."

3. Your sales display, "Barbie's Struggle for Survival in Post-Nuclear Holocaust Malibu" was not exactly an overwhelming success.

2. Too many reports from people who swear they saw Geoffrey the Giraffe in a leather bar.

1. Regardless of the question, you answer, "Bite me, kid -- I'm on break."
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Posted: Mon Dec 31, 2007 9:30 pm Post subject:

Hehe good one Tash.
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Posted: Mon Dec 31, 2007 9:32 pm Post subject:

those are great, thanks for sharing Tasha
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Posted: Mon Dec 31, 2007 10:11 pm Post subject:

haha, altho, i did hear kidney stones are more painful then giving birth, was told this by a mother of 4 also.

will send the toys R us one to my buddy who works there Laughing

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Posted: Tue Jan 01, 2008 9:56 am Post subject:

lol thanks for sharing tash. Laughing

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Posted: Wed Jan 02, 2008 4:07 pm Post subject:

NATASHA, THIS IS SO TRUE TO WHAT YOU AND I DISCUSSED EARLIER.......

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Posted: Wed Jan 02, 2008 4:46 pm Post subject:

Good ones, Tasha. I almost feel out of my chair when I read these: