My wife insists that I accompany her on her trips to Target. Unfortunately, like most men, I find shopping boring and prefer to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Target.

Dear Mrs. Williamson,

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Williamson , are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.

June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.

July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money.

August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.

August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.

September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the ' Mission Impossible' theme.

October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, whispered 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'


And last, but not least:

October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.' One of the clerks passed out

Hmmm... I might have to try some of those next time I get dragged into a store by my wife...

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The Lord helps those who help themselves...
For everyone else, there's Democrats...

LOL !

why can't women just go to a store alone .....
or go together ... get what they were looking for and go back home ?

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Because that would require a rational thought process, rather than an emotional one...

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The Lord helps those who help themselves...
For everyone else, there's Democrats...

Not to mention the restructing of the finances that would have to occurr to cover the expenses.

Mrs. Snafu offered to do the grocery shopping the other day (I normally do it and average about $150 a week for our family of 4). She came home with a ton of stuff and a bill that was $227. The kicker is she did all that and didn't get basics like butter and milk. Of course she also doesn't cook anything unless it comes from a box or can (i.e., she doesn't cook, she microwaves). Oh well, at least I got to build stuff with blocks with the kids while she was gone for almost 2 hours

That is funny.

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October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the ' Mission Impossible' theme.


I have done this one before LOL, I did get security called on me but I wasn't taking out of the store.